What do you know?

Drunk. 2ish AM, Saturday night.

It is my 1st time here in Bay Area, I come home late. It is almost a year now since somebody drove me to this techno-madness Silicon Valley. I should be so grateful for $$$ it lets me have. Keeps me in the Americas, nope I never fascinated this place, only fascination I always had was those sacred mountains.. that was the ONLY dream I ever dreamt, that was the only destination I ever wanted to reach, but spring brings this magic, or is it an intoxication that I only knew thru some imagination, thru a mystic's poetry.

I am lost. I want it all, I choose all. I choose nothing, and I died everyday while i was still breathing. So, I choose all. I walked my path. Now what? All I want to do and feel is across the blue pacific ocean, I want to take Mushaka on a drive,  along the coast, and reach some destination by morning, What is this? Turn of fate? 
I want to make a call, 
I want to write, 
I want to see,
I want to touch, 
I want to feel, 
But why abstain? I am no "swami" in the making, I can do it all, for all I want it all.
My maverick soul calls for that, who am I to refrain? Am I still a human? An Atman? 
Ah! I vow to Lokah samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. If only everyone wanted that...

I don't feel hungry, I don't feel the physical, yet nothing feels enough, I don't feel the moment, for I am being filled up with something else. Why cant this stop? I've prayed, I've meditated, I've let-go, I've done all that I know of. This stops and I am off to be sanctified, one-way ticket for the stars in the milky way.

What is it that I have to do? Just be. Devoted? How can I just be... and with the fire? This passion?  The heat which transmutes both pain and pleasure to the state I am dwelling in. 

I thank pearlmushaka for breathing their breath, I will go to them, and more, so much more, when I don't need no "private" mode. I will go to that space when you can embrace the truth, the whole truth. Till then, I am here, somewhere in between burning this fire and in knowing that each dawn I wake up to, each dusk I melt into, has that limitless potential to bring with it, that chariot. 

If I were you, I know what exactly I'd do, but I am me, You are you, yet we are the same. I' ll let you do you. No force, no demand, no expectation ever. I love you. So much.