What do you know?

Drunk. 2ish AM, Saturday night.

It is my 1st time here in Bay Area, I come home late. It is almost a year now since somebody drove me to this techno-madness Silicon Valley. I should be so grateful for $$$ it lets me have. Keeps me in the Americas, nope I never fascinated this place, only fascination I always had was those sacred mountains.. that was the ONLY dream I ever dreamt, that was the only destination I ever wanted to reach, but spring brings this magic, or is it an intoxication that I only knew thru some imagination, thru a mystic's poetry.

I am lost. I want it all, I choose all. I choose nothing, and I died everyday while i was still breathing. So, I choose all. I walked my path. Now what? All I want to do and feel is across the blue pacific ocean, I want to take Mushaka on a drive,  along the coast, and reach some destination by morning, What is this? Turn of fate? 
I want to make a call, 
I want to write, 
I want to see,
I want to touch, 
I want to feel, 
But why abstain? I am no "swami" in the making, I can do it all, for all I want it all.
My maverick soul calls for that, who am I to refrain? Am I still a human? An Atman? 
Ah! I vow to Lokah samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. If only everyone wanted that...

I don't feel hungry, I don't feel the physical, yet nothing feels enough, I don't feel the moment, for I am being filled up with something else. Why cant this stop? I've prayed, I've meditated, I've let-go, I've done all that I know of. This stops and I am off to be sanctified, one-way ticket for the stars in the milky way.

What is it that I have to do? Just be. Devoted? How can I just be... and with the fire? This passion?  The heat which transmutes both pain and pleasure to the state I am dwelling in. 

I thank pearlmushaka for breathing their breath, I will go to them, and more, so much more, when I don't need no "private" mode. I will go to that space when you can embrace the truth, the whole truth. Till then, I am here, somewhere in between burning this fire and in knowing that each dawn I wake up to, each dusk I melt into, has that limitless potential to bring with it, that chariot. 

If I were you, I know what exactly I'd do, but I am me, You are you, yet we are the same. I' ll let you do you. No force, no demand, no expectation ever. I love you. So much. 

Aflame.

Feeling vulnerable, again.

Perhaps, this happens a lot with open ♥, and these days, I have vowed to myself, no matter what, I should keep her open. Well, it took a life time to reach here, I don’t want it to be any other way.

Restlessness, gushing like Goddess Ganga when she first cascaded down on to the earth with Rishi Bhagiratha’s wish – Wild, erratic, un-stoppable, with her primitiveness lashing out, swaying, dancing, then came Shiva. He tied her with his dreadlocks to tame her. Tell me, what would humble me?

This mind. (- Advaita)

This body.

This heart. (- Anahata Nad)

This consciousness.

Everything is elsewhere, somewhere between that eternal spring and the heat that sets me ablaze, 

making me - AFLAME.

Where am I? Exactly where I supposed to be, alas! But physically I am here. What is there for me here? Am Absent.

I *thought* I could hold it together, then came new moon, Buddha Purnima (May, 2017) received a message, then Guru Purnima  - last Saturday(July, 2017). What is this energy? Why? How will I deal with it? Again, and again and again? What I am seeking is seeking me, says Rumi. I love the Mystic. I love his drunken words, making an eloquent poem. Now God, I ask - Help me. Guide me, So that I could save me, rescue me.
what I resist, comes back stronger a 1000000 times. I resist that too, but this... I haven't learnt it all. I am learning – "I am THAT, I am". For now, I am still…not THAT.

I am yearning to become aware of this moment as each second is being witnessed.

I am not the thinker of the thoughts, If I am, I’d know what my next thought would be/should be.

My Heart is on Fire, My love.

What do you want me to do?

The Journey... continues

<<< Nothing stops. heartbeats.. sunshine.. azure blue skies.. so does the journey.. continues...>>>

#5. Everything in this materialistic world changes –, to experience this is to become synonymous with it, with no (or least) resistance. Paradoxically, change is the only thing that is constant in the world.

If people don’t adapt, they cease to exist. Ultimately, the choice is always yours, you want to keep striving or thrive in the joy of limitlessness. An open heart brings to you innate bliss even in completely un-expected situations –

I found something in amazement during a bike ride to the ATM with a Yogi Swami, after a blissful Yoga as the sun rise over Holy Ganga. We rode through the dark, tiny gallis of Kashi, at the day break, I found out that people living in the most chaotic city I’ve seen are also the happiest. As he told me the stories, I basked in wonderment, smiled so big in the marvels of life's teachings.

#6.Once while conversing with somebody, topic of regret popped and when questioned, I did confide that I regretted a few blunders, if given a chance, sure I will opt differently.

With all the fire that is burning to cause this transformation in day-to-day life, I will NOT do the same mistakes, for there any lot many varieties to try. It is absolutely great that some don’t have any.

Adding on to me “regret-list” , here is the ONLY predicament I regret from this righteous journey - Never to come back with empty bags, from my country to a foreign land, more-so when you are making a living across the oceans.

Ah, worst feeling. Not doing it again. Ever.

#7. If you want to feel home, no matter amidst which aestheticism you are in, then probably you should never get out of those 4 walls of your own home’s sophistication. You may choose to never leave the street, or the people you live with, because while you go across the continents, be the seer of the vibrant colors, in awe with the culture, and perhaps culture shocks. Just witness it all, there is nothing to lose in that. No hard-work required for that. It is OKAY to fall sick and get over it, it is OKAY to get out of the familiarity once – try, I promise, you won’t die :)

#8. The color of your skin, bank balance, currency you earn in, property you own elsewhere, car you drive, the family name you hold, or getting attention of commuters with a few selfies –

NOTHING, really, none of the above or any of the above said or unsaid, is your ticket to turn into a complete ***hole or even a squeaky *****

Please try to respect the rituals, locals, for you are a tourist for a day/week/month. It is no rocket science, but common sense.

#9. “A fish out of water” - No better expression than this for people who just cannot be “connected”. Ha! I must say, disconnected from the technological paramount - Wi-Fi. What is this urge to be so intertwined with high tech world? I call it “Electronika” it is supposed to enhance human interaction, now the question arises - Who is the Master, who is slave? I am NOT against it, for I earn my bread through the same technical rage, I absolutely agree, it is necessary to plan, to keep in touch and internet is the way, well not the ONLY way, but the best way, apart from that can’t we just be connected to physical environment around, which is so visible to the naked eye? There is no need to greet people with “what is the Wi-Fi password” at every restaurant, every place you check-in :)

You are as connected as you think you are;

and as disconnected as you think you are. 
Both are right.

                   ~ykw

#10. All my life, my parents and siblings have complained about me being so detached from the family – But as a great person told me, “A person will only change when he/she wants to change” I am so glad I did, and while in south, journeyed farther to see my Grandpa, not because I had to, but I soooo wanted to. He and I had a stirring conversation, whole village was present in that, laughing, giggling, even blushing. Me in my madness and he in his late 90’s, just a year shy of 100 :) This is the best encounters I’ve had for as long as my memory runs- visiting my dad’s native village, all the paternal cousins, Aunts, Uncles. Spent the whole morning, and noon, feeling so high and that profound sense of belonging. Somebody’s words kept resonating as I returned in the cab, with another wonderful cab-driver. Words.. “Vasu, You Belong.. You so belong, Vasu…”

#11. When traveling in a group/companion, please communicate. There is a very good reason why we all are blessed with voice. Talk, speak the words and mean it which you speak it. I call it “raw”. Be raw, nothing beats the truth and the directness, it saves a lot of unwanted torture, for the other to decode every single polished opinion.

#12. Open heart and an open mind – So much said and written on this.

#13. Be Present. Please.

After-all, weren't we supposed to go back to your everydayness, to be jaded in the mediocrity!?

So let's love, live, laugh as much as we can while we can.

♥♥♥

The Journey

Traveling sure is some kind of a ‘gasm. I know I cannot quench the thirst, I haven’t seen enough, but no amount of travel will ever suffice for me. I am no nomadic, yet to take on at least a million voyages both outside and inside of me. I am on with it. So on. 

(Now, not so) Recently, I took 29 days off from work to realize one of my most excited dreams, I ever dreamt. Sure, kept calling it #indiatrip, only half way through it, I began to realize, nope, I wasn’t on no freaking trip, it was a JOURNEY. A true journey into the holy mountains, rivers, temples, places, holy inward journey, into my own soul. The empiricism was so esoteric, that there goes no day, no night where I don't reflect upon these. I keep coming back to this sometimes very consciously, most of the times otherwise. Dwelling into the reminiscence of this extraordinary fantasy, which I materialized, I am ever more so humbled, and ever more so grateful for all the know-hows, wisdom I gathered and many a lessons, that I learnt.

Life in itself is an amazing expedition. You begin living your life with tremendous amount of awareness as a new born, then pave way for a few 1000s of diversions which are out rightly “necessary” for we have time, cultures, norms, schools, families, traditions and are vigilantly trained to follow the same. Growing up with a set of beliefs that you were taught, then you incur new knowledge, by way of books/media/people/experiences so on and so forth. It is an ongoing process, mind conceives of everything it perceives, for as long is it is alive. so, does this mind ever stop growing, while it is still breathing? Perhaps, Yes, it is called close mindedness. Oh yeah, there is another extreme sure-shot science-proven way called being “brain-dead”, but I am not talking about brain “physically” being dead, instead so closed off that nothing new can enter it, it doesn’t allow anything to enter anymore. 

I met with some people who were blending in, oh-so-perfectly, some oh-so-weirdly taking one moment, one day at a time. Open to new possibilities, new practices, new delicacies, new art, a new and more importantly, a whole different civilization. Every individual in quest for something, perhaps spiritual, perhaps adventurous journey, perhaps knowledge, or just a vacation. A big hug and tremendous respect goes out to all of them. And again, there were a few others who couldn’t do it anymore, who couldn’t take it anymore. Everything was too much, every day was more grievance. They did sign up for this, for whatever reasons, but as I watched them I know, INDIA, my motherland is so mysterious, nobody knows how they’d feel, what they’d identify themselves amidst never-ending chaos. Stories heard, books read, information over the world wide net, all aside, it is a totally unique feeling, when one actually steps the foot in this mystical land. It is as exclusive as the individual itself. Lessons learnt are instilled in my being, as I navigated through the lands, and as I continue to live in these lands..

Inspired by American life, here is my attempt to list a few

#1. A person, no matter how good he is, he can ONLY meet you as far as he has met himself, consciously. It is a delicate thought, yet relieving. So relieving.

#2. Devotion – When I watched “Women of Bhakti” on gaia.com, I was moved so deeply, shared with people I loved. Everything was so beautifully pictured and said, I resonated with my whole being.

I remember something in these lines said - “There is one kind of devotion, that can only be with THE GOD, sure there are many relationships where we are devoted, but there is 1 kind that is incomparable”

Well, this was one striking disagreement that I had before my Journey. I knew in my heart the devotion I felt which was no-less than what I feel for the Krshna, well,  realized #1 and now I couldn’t agree more with a woman who said it.

One can love the free-spirit absolutely, but people do have their pre-conditioned mindsets, couple with 7-buckets full of ego. Time to time, these minds are un-open and even gets closed off.

#3. Busted the biggest blunder. Thinking that falling out of love could be a potential solution for any problem is utterly Stupid. Stupidity to the nth degree.

Falling out of love with one doesn’t automatically make you fall back in love with another, as there is no logic like (a - b)² = a² + b² - 2ab or anything pre-defined/proved/put it in the spreadsheet or patented.

Indeed, If you have ever fell out of love, it means you were never really in love, for you didn’t let it touch your soul.

You try all you want, all the ways you can, but never really un-love, when you are in love with that soul! I did a course in healing in picturesque God’s own Country, out of many elements learnt, only part in my knowledge, I practice every day is this -

I am not my body

I am not even my mind

I am my soul

Aren’t YOU?

I am unconditionally in love with that Soul.

I am completely devoted to that very Soul.

#4. Never wash your cloths with a bathing soap. Try it to know, if you need a funky smell on all your “washed” cloths

No matter how fragrant, lovely or herbal it may be, it isn’t for the fabric. Detergent is :)